Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
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