we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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