You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
