i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
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