i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
