this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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