Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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