having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
