I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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