you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
