it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
