I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
