is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
