so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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