There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
