Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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