Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
