you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
