i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
