you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
