I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
