im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
