I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
