I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
