How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
