He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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