slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
