Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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