You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
