i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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