Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Randomize
