4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
