can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
