did you get engaged???
How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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