I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
