Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
