So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize