I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
