a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
