Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My balls are so social today.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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