I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Randomize
