he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
