Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
