He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
