I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
