I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
