There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
