Just fell off a train. Bad.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
