but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
