You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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