You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i dont even know how to be here
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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