I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
