the day after is always just damage control
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
