I can tuck mytits in my pants
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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