No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
