I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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