No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
