hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You are the jesus of drinking
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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