first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
