I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
