i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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