he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
