Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
