I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
