that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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