I want to walk on stilts...naked
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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