what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
