You're so nebulous sometimes
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
