Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
