my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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