just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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