I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
