You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
