Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
